The Lone Carnivore

Why is eating alone

                                                so noisy and unfullfilling?

                                                The dishes clatter in the kitchen,

                                                the chef shouts orders

                                                while I sit—alone—

                                                at a table

                                                with a sterile

                                                white linen tablecloth.

                                                My silver knife, fork

                                                and spoon stand

                                                at attention

                                                like Beefeaters

                                                at Buckingham Palace.

                                                The young guy

                                                across the room

                                                runs his hand

                                                over his date’s

                                                firm thigh.

                                                “Are you ready to order, sir?”

                                                Asks the pretty, young

                                                waitress.

                                                “Yes, I’ll have

                                                A companion

                                                Ala mode,”

                                                I say with

                                                Great seriousness. “And

                                                A virgin leg for dessert,”

                                                but she puts me

                                                down for the veal medallions

                                                and potatoes au gratin.

                                                And instead of hot

                                                naked sex for dessert,

                                                I will have to settle for

                                                the tiramisu.